Far right Rush Limbaugh wants NFL team

Written by Bob on October 14th, 2009

Rush Limbaugh

YUCAIPA, CA – Rush Limbaugh and the NFL. A marriage made in … Be my guest and fill in the rest.

By now you’ve heard the news that conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has his heart set on owning an NFL team – the St. Louis Rams.

Of course, if this comes about, Rush being Rush, he’s certain to make some changes. Some big changes. I believe Rush will make re-naming the team his top priority.

Rams? Way too liberal for Rush.

I suggest that Rush launch a “Name MY Team” contest. With the lucky winner receiving two tickets to the 2012 Republican National Convention. Can you think of a grander, grand prize, especially for Rush’s far out there – I mean, far right fans?

I’ve got a few names myself that I’d like to toss in the ring.

I like this one the best, the St. Louis Far Right. Or how about keeping the Rams name, but making it a little more colorful, as in the St. Louis Red Red Rams.

And if Rush prefers a more political persuasion, we could go with the St. Louis Ultra Conservatives, or the St. Louis Anti-Liberals. Or how about, the St. Louis Tea Party Rams?

The Ram’s uniform comes in colors blue and gold. Of course, those colors must go if Rush becomes the owner. Here’s what I see. The St. Louis Far Right (I’m confident I will win the Name MY Team contest) running on to the field dressed in red. Red from the top of their helmets to the tips of their toes.

Not just red. But a deep, bright, eyeball popping, blood red.

But Rush won’t stop with changing the Rams name or uniform colors. He’s got bigger game in his sights: The owners.

What fun is a group of rich and old, paunchy and gray-haired white men quietly sitting around counting their money at the owners meetings? That’s too dull, too bland. And it doesn’t stir up a media frenzy.

But if Rush could divide those owners into two opposing groups and stir up some divisiveness, maybe even a little hatred, and some bitter, angry name-calling such as, “You Lie!”

Can you imagine the rousing, 24-7, news coverage on FOX, MSNBC and ESPN? Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann would have a field day. To hell with the games, it’s the owners the fans want to see and hear about.

That’s it! Rush will divide the NFL owners into two “parties” – the NFC Conservatives versus the AFC Liberals. And at the end of the season, a Pro Bowl Owners game could be held pitting the Red team (Party of NO!) against the Blue Bloods (Party of YES to everything!). With Rush, of course, captain of the NO! squad.

But surely Rush won’t stop with the owners. A two-party players union will come next.

Imagine the negotiations at union meetings:

From the liberal players: “Our contracts are too low. We must demand more money (raise taxes) from those rich owners! And we need health care for every single player who has ever worn an NFL uniform. We don’t care how much it costs!”

And from the conservatives: “You damn liberals are all alike. Keep up your spend, spend, spend, attitude and we’re going upstage the Super Bowl with a Tea Party! And we might even carry guns!”

Ah yes, Rush Limbaugh and the NFL. A marriage made in …

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