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Southern Californians don’t know cold

Thursday, January 17th, 2013


YUCAIPA, CALIF – It’s 34 degrees this morning and Southern Californian’s – accustomed to sunshine and warmth – are bitching about the cold. Many of my fellow Yucaipans are bundled up in stocking caps and scarves, mittens and long underwear.

“Brrrr, it’s freezing!” they exclaim. Little do they know real cold – much less FREEZING temps where the thermometer plunges well below zero. I’m a farm-raised Minnesotan. I can tell you about unbearable winter weather, and so I will.

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The big guys are strong, but not Helmer strong

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

YUCAIPA, CA – I’m a weakling when it comes to lifting weights. I can barely bench press 135 pounds. At my fitness club, some massively strong men can bench and leg press two, three, and even four times that weight.

Their biceps and triceps ripple and bulge with muscles. Their thighs and forearms are the size of tree trunks. And their chests are as round as a 50-gallon oil drum. If they were green, they’d look just like Lou Ferrigno of “Incredible Hulk” fame.

Strongmen indeed, but not nearly as strong as Helmer the milkman.

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